Favorite Quotes

On there being no doors in my house; "I don't believe in barriers because I always break them"-Buzz Aldrin

Isn't it illegal to poison trees? You think I care!? I don't!! ROLL DAM* TIDE!!"-Auburn Tree Poisoner

"My name is Ron....you don't need to know my last name"-Ron Swanson

I needed to think about last night. So I galloped into a wooded glen, and after punch-dancing out my rage and suffering an extremely long and very painful fall, I realized what has to be done. -Rod Kimbel

I don't want to be a product of my environment. I want my environment to be a product of me.-Costello

And that's the hardest part. Today everything is different; there's no action... have to wait around like everyone else. Can't even get decent food - right after I got here, I ordered some spaghetti with marinara sauce, and I got egg noodles and ketchup. I'm an average nobody... get to live the rest of my life like a schnook. -Henry Hill

"You paint? Yes, do you like it? I'd say your one step away from cutting your ear off."-Good Will Hunting

“Shut up. And look at me. Welcome to Visions of Nature. This room has several paintings in it. Some are big and some are small. People did them and they are here now. I believe after this is over they will be hung in government buildings. Why the government is involved in an art show is beyond me. I also think it’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.” -Ron Swanson

“The less I know about other people’s affairs, the happier I am. I’m not interested in caring about people. I once worked with a guy for three years and never learned his name. Best friend I ever had. We still never talk sometimes.”-Ron Swanson

Mr. Hoffstetter: I'm still having these dreams, Doctor. And I still can't stop myself from believing them.
Psychiatrist: I've told you before, Mr. Hoffstetter: to believe in one's dreams is a manifestation of insanity. And the sooner you accept this, the sooner you'll get well.
Mr. Hoffstetter: But I dreamed the Archangel appeared and whispered into my ear, and told me where to find a Golden Wonka Ticket.
Psychiatrist: [looks up from his notes, interested] And what exactly did he say?
Mr. Hoffstetter: Well, what difference does that make? This was a dream, a fantasy! I mean, you said just now...
Psychiatrist: [furiously] Shut up, Hoffstetter, and tell me where the ticket is! 

Stanley Kael, Second Newscaster: Four down, one to go, and somewhere out there a lucky person is moving closer and closer to the most sought after prize in history. Though we cannot help but envy whoever he is, and we may feel bitter but we must remember there are more important things, *many* more important things. Though offhand I cannot think of what they are but I'm sure there must be something.

So the secret to good self-esteem is to lower your expectations to the point where they're already met?-Hobbes

Door!! Door!! Come on Dobbins this isn't a ride in a minivan this is your life-The Sklars Brothers

*looking at some guys beard* "hey its our old hotwheels track"-The Sklars Brothers

*sign on bench* "Does Bench Advertising Work?? It just did....."-The Sklars Brothers

"ring says commitment but suspenders say playa"-The Sklars Brothers

"Artificial crab meat is better than real crab meat"-unknown

Leia: I love You
Han Solo: I know

"Is this water sanitary it looks questionable to me"-The lil elephant in Tarzan

"But I was going in to Toschi station to pick up some power converters."-Luke Skywalker

Having 5 o'clock shadow says "I'm Rugged and Manly but also i'm clean confident and charming"-Bodey Hancock



Calvin:my life needs a rewind and erase button
Hobbes:.....and a volume control

"This is your life and its ending one minute at a time"-Tyler Durden

"Thats impossible to hit even for a computer....Its not impossible I used to bullseye womp rats in my t-21 back home their not much bigger than two meters"-LUke Skywalker

"I would prefer that she ask me for my permission so I could say no. I like saying no. It lowers their enthusiasm."-Ron Swanson

“Leslie, you need to understand that we are headed to the most special place on earth. When I’m done eating a Mulligan’s meal, for weeks afterwards there are flecks of meat in my mustache and I refuse to clean it because every now and then a piece of meat will fall into my mouth.” -Ron Swanson

I won’t publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively. My only official recommendations are U.S. Army issued mustache trimmers, Morton’s salt, and the C.R. Lawrence Fein two inch axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.” -Ron Swanson

"skim milk-avoid it" -Ron Swanson

"I signed up for Second Life about a year ago. Back then, my life was so great that I literally wanted a second one. Absolutely everything was the same…except I could fly."-Dwight Schrute